WHAT I WORE, WHAT MUMMY WORE

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I've often heard my mummy telling her friends how difficult she finds it to say "no" to people. At such times my jaw literally hits the floor and drool flows freely from my mouth as I try to count on the few digits God gave me, the number of "no's" I endure on a daily basis. Climbing up the stair gate to jump over? No Judah! Emptying the cutlery drawer onto the kitchen floor to make music with the awaiting pots and pans? No Judah! Eating a mushroom I've found in the grass? No Judah! Ok fine, just let me clean the loo with your toothbrush...that's a no then. Humph. Seems to come easy by my reckoning!

I'll just join the ducks in the river...... "NO JUDAH!!!!"

I'll just scoot down these steps then... "NO JUDAH!!!"

But this week I was witness to an event unlike any other in my 2 short years. There we were relaxing in the house after mummy completed her chores (she's on a new daily cleaning fad - let's see how long it lasts...) when mummy spotted a ladder leaning against the wall next door. Ladder...hmm..she thought. Next thing she jumped up. "It's the window cleaner! We need to get dressed and outta here Judah!"

You see, mummy had all but blown her remaining budget for the month after failing to amend her online groceries shop and getting two of everything. Window cleaning was a luxury she wasn't eager to stretch herself for now. Not when it was raining anyway...

Woohoo, no fence to scale this time! "NO JUDAH!!!"

Just thought I'd sneak through a hole in the bottom fence and pay the neighbours a visit.... "NO JUDAH!!!!"

She didn't want to tell the guy no though. She felt bad. So she decided to do a runner. That way he wouldn't clean the windows because she wasn't home. I've never seen her dress so efficiently and clothe me with such military timing. We flew out of the front door undetected and mummy felt triumphant. She drove to my sisters school. we killed time listening to some classical music to calm mum down as she searched for a comb or anything resembling such in the car. Yes her hair was a tangled mess. She found an Afro comb which was a godsend under the circumstances. She found a way to make it work. We picked MH and drove home confident the window man was gone. And indeed he was, not a ladder in sight.

Mummy opened the front door triumphantly only to spot a white envelope on the floor. She hoped in vain it was a winning cheque from postcode lottery, but ofcourse it wasn't. A lovely stamp across the front emblazoned with the cleaning company's name confirmed her worst fears. Inside was a lovely invoice for the window cleaning letting her know that payment would be gratefully received.

I'll just check myself out whilst you take your selfie #photobomb!........"NO JUDAH!!!"

I've found the perfect spot to watch TV from.... "NO JUDAH!!!!"

Moral of the story: just say no. Mummy is now training herself to say no by picturing me standing atop my high chair about to perform a stunt each time she needs to say no. She's calling it picture-your-toddler-doing-something-dumb-and-just-say-no therapy. We are working on a patent and courses should be available online and hopefully we'll be able to whittle down the competing publishers by using the method and have a book out in time for Christmas.

Right, I'm off to try something new. Gotta give mummy fresh material & all that.

Ciao,

Judah

welcome to may - even though we are fast hurtling towards the middle of the month! the last couple of weeks sped by and are now a mere blur in our memories. or rather mummy's memory! my memory is sharp - i'm only 4! nothing escapes me, mummy however is another kettle of fish entirely. she's nicknamed herself Dori from Finding Nemo. daddy always says if her head wasn't attached to her body she'd forget where she left that too!

may has been good so far. it has brought with it the sun - and for that we can only rejoice! bank holiday monday was a bit drab but by today, we were positively sweltering in the high 20s centigrade! so what have we been up to? well, in the spirit of getting out & about a bit more, mummy bought this amazing picnic blanket (her words, not mine!). she is in love and believes it shall increase her desire to go out & about. because it is pretty. and she likes pretty things. she got it from Great Little Trading Company after missing out on last year's edition that she loved so much but procrastinated on till they sold out. This year she wasted no time as soon as they had one of the 20% off everything days! she loves it because it's a good size, has waterproof backing, rolls up into a bag with carry handles, and is just so pretty! oh, and it's lovely to sleep on in the sun. #fact.

we went to a food festival on bank holiday monday and forgot the blanket at home! what a clever blanket - fulfilling it's purpose without even having to be present! mummy pretty much starved herself that morning in anticipation of a bbq'd burger or some other such bbq style meal. unfortunately for her, there was not a burger stall in sight. just all kinds of street food, whose prices were polar opposite to the container sizes. the food was tasty but as mummy had come prepared for a carb fest, she left needing to top up at home.

judah's been continuing to provide amusement as is his custom! mummy took us to the park to feed the ducks after a classmate's birthday party. (i tell you, the sun brings out a different side to my mummy! normally she can't wait to get home and bemoan how her social life consists solely of my social life. not so now - these days her optimism knows no bounds - i love you sun!) back to the park - we fed the ducks quite fine, but judah was keener to be at one with the river thames. "not on my watch!", said mummy - as she quickly took a picture, then rescued him from the fence. #priorities!
again, blanket wasn't really required as we just had a bag of crisps and rather dry bread. bread for the ducks, crisps for mummy to fuel up & keep up with judah!

oh dear, what's he up to now???

that's right - about to scoot down some steps...

today after church we were back in the same gardens, enjoying a lovely picnic lunch. judah wasn't as keen on the old ducks - more interested in going after people's water bottles and chasing unsuspecting kids. oh, and crying for my scooter each time he saw me on the move. mummy has promised she's getting him his own now. le blanket was definitely in full use today and i must admit it is pretty! "it looks like it has giant cupcake sprinkles!" i exclaimed.

now we want to keep the dream alive! we want to hit as many gardens and beaches as we can over the next few months with our picnic blanket! any suggestions?? we'd love to hear from you as i'm worried mummy will wind up just sleeping on the blanket in the back garden and call it a summer!

morayo-hope

xoxo

There's a strange noise - it's far away but insistent. It's coming closer. My throat. I think I'm choking. There's something digging in. I catch a whiff of something. It stinks. The noise is close now - I catch it. "Mummy! It's morning!".

My throat , why can't I talk - oh, it's an elbow happily nuzzled in that soft spot, digging deeper.

"Mummy!" Oh, there's that smell. It's her. And him. In my nose, literally.

"I need breakfast! Wake up mummy!"

I still can't open my eyes. I reach over for my phone - it can't be 7. I manage to force one eye open - it's 5:47am. What day is it? Is it Monday? Did I sleep through the weekend?

"Cmon mummy!"

"No!" I mutter, "go back to bed! It's still night time!"

"No it isn't! I can see the light. Is it time for me to put on my ballet shoes? Remember I have to dance!"

Damn you British summer time! The sunlight sure knows when to come up but the heat clearly doesn't!

I remove the offending elbow from my throat for the umpteenth time and like a Boomerang it returns. "Judah!"

No use, he's fast asleep. Like gone. Mouth wide open, facing me and emitting toxic fumes in the process. I thought baby & toddler breath was meant to be sweet. Another lie from the baby magazine centrefolds.

"Mummy! Ok daddy! Daddy, come downstairs with me!"

"No."

And he's the morning one.

I lie still. I remember a time. A time when I didn't know time on a Saturday. When being ready for anything before midday was a chore. The time of the Saturday morning lie in. The days when I'd clean the house late on Friday night so I could wake up super late and enjoy the breeze blowing through the whole place. Yes those days. I speak to Saturday Morning Lie In.

I apologise to her. I apologise for not fully appreciating all that she was, for now - she is no more. I look through the album of our time together, from childhood till 24th June 2011 when she had a sudden and untimely death. I was told time is a great healer, but the pain of her passing appears to be getting stronger with time. On days like today I feel it the most.

I clamber out of bed, one eye still stubbornly sealed shut, whilst a bright eyed and bushy tailed Morayo-Hope springs into action. Down the stairs she runs, shouting out her breakfast request. Once upon a time my boob was the breakfast (or silencer as I called it).

As I sit in the car park waiting for her to finish her dance / theatre class, I wonder if I should switch my eulogy and direct it at Saturday as a whole. Because I'm going to have all of 3 hours to do something non kid related before we race across town to a birthday party.

Oh. Judah starts nursery in September.

Forget it.

RIP WEEKEND.

It was good while it lasted.

**images from Sunday about to tuck into some Nandos! Yum!**

Last week was a good week. It was a full week: I went back to school after the briefest of Easter holidays, mummy had an interview & baby shower to attend and Judah was looking for new ways to get mummy's pulse racing.

Let's start with me. I was pining for my friends - and ballet - so by the time Wednesday arrived I was well and truly ready to get back to school. Mummy however wasn't. She was an emotional wreck that day. She kept going on about how fast time was moving and that she couldn't believe it was my last term as a reception girl. She was close to tears as she waved goodbye to me at the door. I didn't get the whole drama. I was just so excited to be back at school and in my summer dress. Oh, and some of the mummy's and daddy's kept walking past mummy as they didn't recognise her with her new hairdo!

And so to mummy. With this mini depressed state she was in, she was struggling to get herself together for an all important interview for a role she hadn't even applied for directly. She was very excited but at the same time petrified. She felt out of her depth and very much out of touch with the business world after a year plus of being at home generally talking to inanimate objects & Judah.

So nervous was she that she decided to go to the bathroom for a quick pep talk after checking in at reception. As she walked out of the bathroom, a guy walked in and muttered "I thought these were the men's toilets??!". And pop that balloon of confidence! Mummy decided to just own it and smiled sweetly all the way back to reception - "he is not interviewing me, it's cool!" she figured. She managed to get through the interview without doing anything crazy (this point needs verification by video ofcourse), and we await the outcome.

Whilst mummy attended the interview, Jodie our amazing babysitter that looked after both of us at our old nursery looked after Judah. They went to a local softplay and mummy prayed she wouldn't find Jodie standing outside her interview venue holding out Judah and swearing never to do this again! Thankfully all went well. Mummy ended the week on a hunt for a nursery for Judah to attend in the hope it would help with his speech. So far, everywhere good is full. The only one with spaces left mummy with no reason to wonder why it had those spaces!! So the search continues!

At the weekend mummy hopped on a train and escaped to London to attend her oldest friend's baby shower. She says she'll blog about that separately as it was another "aha" moment for her. She came back lighter than air and decidedly more upbeat and jovial with a cornish pastie from the train station in her hand. On Sunday we hot footed it to church and Judah & I had tons of fun in our respective kids church rooms. Afterwards we were driven back to mummy's new favourite photo spot: ye olde green gate, for a quick session with the instagram husband, aka daddy.

It all feels a bit like a distant memory now as we are halfway through this week! Hope you're having a fab week!

I wore:

Lace Dress - Zara (old), similar here

Double Sided Jacket - La Redoute

Shoes - Zara, (old), similar here

Judah Wore:

Chinos - H&M

Jacket - Zara, alternative here

Shoes - Mothercare, alternative here

Tshirt - Zara (old)

Mummy Wore

Skirt - Zara, alternative here

Top - Zara, alternative here

Necklace - From a boutique in Paris, you could achieve something similar by making one using craft beads like these

Shoes - Aldo (old), similar here

Handbag - Vintage LV Beverley briefcase, sometimes available on Etsy or good vintage outlets

Morayo-Hope

xoxo

It's another ordinary day and Morayo-Hope is very confident as we get ready in the morning, smiling at herself in the mirror and generally loving everything she sees therein. She loves her room and rearranges her toys in her little pram as we get ready to go on a playdate. I watch her briefly and then wander off to finish getting myself and Judah ready. She sings away. We leave the house still in a jovial mood. The playdate goes well and we begin our journey home.

"Mummy, don't you know our house is small?"

"Huh?!"

"Yes, mummy! Our house is small and cold and don't you know that everyone else's house is bigger than ours? And they have carpets! And their houses are warmer."

"Oh."

"Yes, I don't like our house."

Then she didn't like her face. Didn't like the dress. Hated her toys. Hated her life. It was all a big disaster!

I am perfectly fine everyday, in my house. I love the way I look. I appreciate my efforts with my make-up and think I pull myself together quite well. Then I leave the house. And see someone I feel is better. Then suddenly I too begin to question the point of my existence. Suddenly everyone else looks so much better, has nicer houses, better jobs, better hair and teeth and lives. Woe is me.

In the past few months I've been noticing just how much Morayo-Hope is like me and it scares me senseless. I don't want her to be like me. At least not the traits of me I see in her. Which begs the question, if I don't want her to be like that, why am I settling for being that way?
She is merely reflecting what she sees in me.

It's easy to get caught up in the hype of flowers, lunches and spas when we speak of Mother's day. We do deserve it! Haha! Motherhood is no easy job. Parenting is no easy job. Recently I got to thinking about what we, as mothers, have been charged with in this journey called motherhood.
We are entrusted with these fragile lives that are our responsibility to nurture into adults. Adults whom we hope can make a positive contribution to our world. It is both a frightening and humbling responsibility.

If my children are to reflect anything in me, I'd like it to be something good. Something worthy of note. This means I have a job to increase the good and noteworthy in my life. I wish above all things that my children's confidence would rest not on the things that are seen, but those that are unseen. That they would be rich in love for people and live life from a position of gratitude. That they be faithful with what has been entrusted to them. That they would live fearless, trailblazing lives; rich in experience of the world and in service to others. Their confidence ought not to be in the colour of their skin, the name that they carry or their parents address. It's not in the size or shape of their body, the length of their legs or the "goodness" of their hair.

I pray that as I love them better each day, they would step into the world confident that they belong. That they are someone significant, with a purpose and that they have the ability to make a difference in someone's world.

I pray that as I love myself better, I would step into the world confident that I belong, that I am significant, I have a purpose and I have the ability to make a difference in someone's world.

Is there anything about your personality you notice in your children and think "Oh no!"? Please share in the comments below...

Happy Mother's Day xoxo

** the images posted here are from a 2014 shoot titled "An African Princess in Windsor". The photographer was Nimz . She's currently showcasing her portraits on motherhood here. Be sure to follow her page!**

No, it's not a typo. This is my week. Today is my birthday. And Sunday is my day too.....because in the UK, it's Mother's Day! I mean honestly, when God smiles on me, he literally rains glitter on my head!! So...people, listen up. I have heard your cries from on high.....the "I don't know what to buy Tanaka, she has such specific tastes etc etc"ones.

Well, here it is - a definitive guide to what I am lusting after right now:

1. Zara E-Gift Card

Because it's my second address.

2. Converse Chucks

Because like my mentor Victoria Beckham, I've realised running after toddlers in heels is overrated & life threatening.

3. A Watch

Because mine went missing in Zim & I haven't told Kola yet. It has high sentimental value...more for me really. I'd really like to replace it before he finds out. Thanks!

4. Mother or Faking It Sweatshirt

For the days I look a mess. People can just read the word & immediately understand what's going on.

And you'll be giving to charity at the same time - all round good feelings!

5. Beauty Products

Because I want to be beautiful

6. Jewellery

Gone are the days of collapsing into Topshop on sale day. I'm a real grown up now.
I'm currently obsessed with all manner of cuff bracelets. The below is the ultimate crush but you can use it as a guide. Bring on the bling!!

7. Style Books

Because in my dreams I have time to read. In reality I just about manage to look at a few pictures in the magazines I subscribe to. These books don't have an issue month emblazoned across the front to remind me of how long it's been since I read something longer than an Instagram post. And they have pictures. Thus striking the right balance.

8. Time

Make it stand still so I can catch up on whats been happening in the world since I embarked on this journey of sleep deprivation. Failing that, a weekend Spa break, European short break, 1 week Tuscany villa holiday, or 2 week beach holiday would do. Take your pick based on your budget.

I'll be waiting by my door with my other address (Zara.com) open on my computer too. All angles covered!

You're welcome!

Kisses,
The Birthday Girl

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The Art of saying "No"

summer is here!

GOODBYE MY FRIEND

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REFLECTION

This Mother's Birthday & Mother's Day Wish List